Girl Fighting

Watching Lisa Van Ahn fight Veronica Vernocchi of Genova, Italy last night, I was reminded of what I love about a good fight and my own journey from fear and rage to loving self-respect.

Lisa Van Ahn in the ring with Veronica Vernocchi

The first time I kicked someone in the face, I apologized profusely. I was a green belt and the face I so crisply popped with the top of my bare foot belonged to my teacher, a surfer-turned-martial artist, a third-degree blackbelt and a force to contend with. "No," my teacher said sternly. His blue eyes shimmered. "Do not apologize for that." As another apology came to my lips, his blue eyes glittered and a smile spread across his tanned face. "That," he said, "was beautiful."

It was no accident, after all. It was what I'd dreamed of and practiced for; it was the vision that had first carried me through the doors of the dojo after being attacked and threatened on several occasions before I turned 17. Kicking Randy Smith in the face was one of the proudest moments of my young life. It was also the moment that rage and fear began to melt away; the moment my petite frame became a quick, lithe machine; the moment when grace and power were in perfect balance. Everything that I was -- fragile, powerful, sensitive and strong -- were no longer at odds. It was the moment I found true courage.

Van Ahn and Vernocchi demonstrated just the sort of grace and courage that comes with years of training in a fighting art. I find this particularly inspiring with women. Van Ahn and her opponent were the only female fighters in the line up last night and surely among the minority as they came up the ranks in martial arts both in the U.S. and Italy. Yet, this does not mean they, or we, become like men. Though we joined a long-established male-dominated sport, we have found our femininty within it.

What does 'femininity' look like in a fight with kicks and punches? As I quickly learned, it does not mean saying you're sorry when do what you've been training to do -- even if it's 'not nice' in the real world; it does not mean crying when you get punched or kicked (something that took me a while to learn); it does not mean taking it personally when someone tries to kick your face off; it doesn't mean letting someone win to preserve their ego. To win like a girl, you do it smart, skillfully, gracefully, passionately and with a heart full of love. The same goes for losing.

That's what Van Ahn and Vernocchi did last night in three grueling rounds that ended in a split decision in Vernocchi's favor. They punched and kicked each other. They were relentless, fierce, courageous -- and, in the end, loving and gracious. After Vernocchi was announced as the winner, she marched Van Ahn around the ring, holding her fist up high, as though the victory was theirs. Indeed, the victory was not Vernocchi's alone. She had a formidable opponent in Van Ahn who will go for the gold in three months. Win or lose, Van Ahn is "going for it." She is living life to its fullest, pushing herself with courage, determination and self-love.

By this definition of femininity, there were a lot of men showing their feminine sides last night, too:  Losing with grace, winning with humility. There were kicks that could have belonged to dancers and a surprising lack of bravado among all the fighters. Made me want to get in the ring again -- just long enough to kick someone in the face, shake hands and hug. But not any longer. Even after 25 years of tai kwon do, I still might cry when I get kicked. I'm a yoga, Gyrotonic girl now with a fighting heart.